writers block

One more thing.
Everything, and I mean everything is so much more intense in those first few months of sobriety.  You forget what it is to feel when you drink all day everyday for months at a time, and you don't really get those feelings back in the short periods of sobriety between binges.  As soon as you've got a few weeks, maybe even a few months under your belt, it all crashes back on you.  I think that's the only thing that scares me right now, because I know that there are certain amounts of emotion that I can't handle, and certain people that can cause chaos and overwhelm me.  David or rather remembering him, Nathan calling, texting, speaking...existing...and a few unnamed others.
I think one other thing I need to get off my chest is that I don't think I want to stop being in love with Nathan.  Loving someone that is so completely out of reach, so completely gone from my life is so much safer than loving no one.  I know I sound like I'm quoting some kind of psychology book, but it's true, isn't it?  It's proving to be true, at least.  I still love him, though, and I don't know how not to love him anymore.  Why is it that so wrong?  Seriously.  What is wrong with that?