My future decided...

How nice would it be if I could plan a life for myself?  I crave that.  It might sound silly, but I really wish that I could look at my future and say, "This is what I am going to do when I'm 25, 30, 50, 100." I realize that the day I decided to let Jesus be in charge I gave up my rights to planning my life.  At the time, I was glad to hand over that responsibility.  If I hadn't, I'm sure I wouldn't have made it this far.  Still...it is nice to have a plan, especially when you have thousands of dollars worth of debt under your belt and no prospects for a job paying more than $10 per hour. 

I'm leading a small group at my church, and right now we're working our way through a bible study I did with my cousin last year, To Walk and Not Grow Weary.  I found it to be a really, really good study for people going through really difficult circumstances.  Since I've started the group, it has grown to about 13 people.  We don't fit in the center room anymore (and I've told Jeff, but he just grins and says that I have to deal with it, so I end up standing off in a corner talking over everyone's heads).  What is really unique about my group is that I am one of the youngest people there, and I'm leading it.  That in itself has been important to me.  The people in my group have offered me a lot of unique experience.  The reason I mention them is because this last Sunday we were talking about Solomon and Ecclesiastes, "Life is meaningless."  Someone said, "I don't think my life had any meaning before Christ."  And that's my whole point.

Later that night, I was listening to John Mayer as I tried to fall asleep, and one of his songs New Deep has the lyrics, "Ever since I tried, trying not to find every little meaning in my life, it's been fine, I've been cool with my new golden rule."  And I realized that my life has no meaning without Jesus.  Why should I care about anyone else?  I can't find a reason to be the kind of person I dream of becoming if Jesus wasn't fueling some kind of fire in me.  

All of this coupled with a few Hillsong United songs, My Future Decided and All I Need Is You in particular, I feel like I could do just about anything.

I'm terrified that all of the good things that have happened with Philadelphia are going to just disappear.  Really, really terrified.  I mean, every time something cool has happened in the last few years, I feel like it has just been crushed by life.  I've kind of come to grips with the fact that, since I can be kind of persistent, that is God's only way of getting my attention.  Still...

My Future Decided - Hillsong United

All I Need Is You - Hillsong United